Thank you East17 for the empathy. I hope your own situation improves soon.

I can tell you what doesn't help. In the past it's been said to me, "Just use your coping skills!" You seem to understand that there is not always a perfectly sensible way to get over this, if I would just make the effort. That's what most people believe.

I don't think depressed people should be babied. I also think people should not make assumptions that the person would be much better, if only they would pull up their socks and get on with things.

Right now I'm taking a break. I had been cleaning the kitchen, but had to stop due to soreness in my lower back. I took a pain pill an lay down for a bit. I'll get up in a few minutes. (The pill works in 25 min.) I'll go back to the kichen. If I make the kitchen look nice, I'll be very pleased and probably go on to another chore. If I stick with it, until my home starts to look a lot better, I'll be very pleased. Then I may make a list of a few errands I need to do tomorrow. Then I may wake up tomorrow, look at my list and carry on. Then I may feel like depression is going away.

So why didn't I just do this before now? I tried. I started. But I just couldn't gain any momentum. It's like turning the ignition key, hearing the motor for a few seconds, and then it dies. That's what the past week was like. Today I can hear the motor kicking on and staying on. Your post has helped with that. You seem to understand.

Lots of people say, "Just do what you did the last time you pulled yourself out of being depressed." They assume that I have a history of making myself feel better by doing this or doing that. Every professional counselor is trained to use that technique: "So what are some things you've done in the past to make yourself feel better when you've been in a funk?" That is never helpful. It's based on a premise that I don't find to be true. It comes across as smug, even though the person who parrots that off doesn't mean to sound judgemental, they are being judgemental." "Why the heck don't you DO something for yourself?" Like I'm so stupid that I'm just forgetting to "employ my coping skills."

Well - back to the kitchen! I may catch fire and pull myself out of the trough. Or I may not. I'll give myself pep talks. I'll push myself. I may make it over the hump. Often I do. Thank God I often achieve recovery. Sometimes the engine poops out after a bit of effort. I hate that. I can't explain why I stayed stuck in the quagmire from Jan 19 until this morning. Maybe I'll still be stuck 2 hours from now. But at this moment I feel hopeful, so I better strikr while the iron is hot.