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susannahsays
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Default Jan 31, 2022 at 09:58 AM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
The worst part of this is that when I vegetate and neglect everything, I start to lose self-respect. I can indulge myself for awhile . . . and I do. I have no trouble cutting myself some slack now and again. However this has gone on two weeks that I haven't put away holiday decorations.

My goal was to get that job done by Jan. 10th. So it's now about 10 days that I've been dragging this project out. I was doing at least a little each day. I told myself that even a little is something. I said anything is better than nothing. But today it was pure nothing.
I relate. I am in the midst of a severe depressive episode and am also struggling to tidy my living environment. I think a lot of people have trouble managing their homes. I usually hang around on the psychotherapy board and we've had some good discussions on the "couch" thread about this. I've been doing a little better lately, though still far from where I want to be.

I understand feeling discouraged when what you manage to do doesn't align with your expectations. I talked to my psychiatrist recently about how whenever I told myself I'd do some task, a little voice in my mind immediately responds "No you won't. You know you won't. Stop pretending." She said I've lost trust in myself and that's so true!

Part of the problem is that even when I think I've broken down a task into small parts, it still feels completely overwhelming. I'm learning that I have to disregard what I think is a reasonable expectation and amount of work. I have to consciously make goals that are so limited in scope that it feels ridiculous. I don't make longer term goals at this time. I just take it day by day.

Maybe you could make a goal to put x number of the Christmas items away on a day by day basis. It sounds like the little you were doing everyday is too much right now. Go smaller.. Even if you just do one item per day, that is still forward progress. Each time I manage to achieve a goal, however small, I show myself it is possible and restore a bit more trust in myself. I'm not going to say I've had an easy time, but it's helped allowing myself to make goals that before I would have judged to be too trivial.

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Thanks for this!
Rose76