Sorry that you're going through this. So sad to lose a relationship after so many years. I still tell myself that these are very busy years for both myself and my brother. We're very into our jobs right now, and then he's also busy with his family. So I imagine that in 10 or 15 years, we might reconnect and I should just not rock the boat right now when he's under so much stress. But your post does make me think more about how it might just get worse and worse, and do I want to stick it out and keep internalizing his behavior for the rest of my/our lives?

My mother is definitely making things worse, unfortunately. Apparently, he was thinking about doing a family zoom last Friday, but she had another commitment so he decided not to initiate it. It leaves me feeling that it's always their little club. However, I think have to just push this feeling away and not overthink it. He was probably tired and glad for an excuse to cancel. It's nothing personal against me.

A friend recently encouraged me to just assume that my brother is not angry at me and is just busy with his life, and that I should stop imagining what grievances he might have against me, while letting go of my own. This was great advice...but so hard! And in general, it's so hard having someone in your life who is more and more distant, but at the same time so close.