I'm going to tell you my theory about what happened with J. Of course I could be way off base. Just my suspicion based on working with therapists and seeing how willing many of them are to throw a client to the wolves if they feel even a little bit threatened.

I think she read what you said about "giving up" in an alarmist, over-dramatic way. Then realized if anyone would be on the hook, it would probably be her and belatedly tried to cover her *** by muddying the waters. It sounds like she tried to plant the idea that you don't actually have a therapy relationship with her which isn't accurate.

I feel like her response was all about manipulating you and CYA. I say that as someone who has a tendency to be manipulative as a sort of second nature (likely from needing to be good at it to get by in my home growing up blah blah sad violin). I've gotten a lot better about it since I've become aware of that side of me, but that has come with an uncomfortable awareness of when other people are being manipulative.

I'm not saying she was being malicious. I don't have any evidence for that, although her conduct was certainly careless in the extreme. I think most people would be surprised to learn they're being manipulative because it's just automatic and they assume manipulation is always an conscious malicious act. To some extent, this is true of almost everyone due to the way humans communicate and deal with conflict - by and large we consider too much directness to be uncivilized. Some cultures more so than others.

I think therapists are probably more habitual manipulators than average and among the least aware of the fact because it doesn't line up with their self image. It probably doesn't help that most therapists are women and women tend to be criticized for directness. We are constantly expected to be nice and considerate of everybody else's feelings above our own.

I've never known a therapist, in my dealings professionally or as a client, admit to being manipulative in an isolated instance, let alone habitually.

The "miscommunication" I was referring to in my first response was related to the other therapist and expectations for when you would contact her and if she would hold your spot, not in J pulling a fast one to make you doubt your interpretation of her actions up to the end.

Just my opinion, though, take it or leave it as you find most helpful.