It sounds as if you've somehow compiled a list of what emotions you'd feel if you were where you're supposed to be, and now you're working your way through the list making sure you feel the way you're supposed to. Whenever I've tried that, though, it's always turned out that where I was supposed to be, and how I was supposed to feel, depended a whole lot on who was doing the supposing.

In another thread we mentioned "mindfulness" and "starting from where you are". Once upon a time, while in the middle of a rather complicated relationship, it occurred to me that I'd seen/heard quite a few people use the word "centered" to mean (it seemed to me) quite a few different things. What "being centered" turned out to mean to me, though, was experiencing "I love her" and "I hate her" at more or less the same time; not trying to make one of those "right" and the other "wrong"; but instead, as it were, "standing with one foot on each" and seeing what comes next.

If, sometime later, I were to discover that I'd ended up with a checklist that now included "Stand with one foot on each (of whatever it is) so I'll feel centered," my experience then of feeling centered might very well look like standing with one foot on...

"Stand with one foot on each (of whatever it is) so I'll feel centered"

...and the other on...

"Oh, checklists are such BS!"