Quote:
Originally Posted by FooZe
It sounds as if you've somehow compiled a list of what emotions you'd feel if you were where you're supposed to be, and now you're working your way through the list making sure you feel the way you're supposed to. Whenever I've tried that, though, it's always turned out that where I was supposed to be, and how I was supposed to feel, depended a whole lot on who was doing the supposing.
|
Ahh that's very interesting that it comes off like that.
In reality, I will admit I have no actual compiled list of emotions that I should be feeling and I don't believe in feeling whatever I "should" feel. If it wants to be felt, so be it. If not, then it's not ready yet to be felt. Or more precisely, I'm not ready yet.
And so I just have the gut feeling that I haven't got through all of them.
But you are right in that I do feel some kind of obligation. That obligation would tell me some feelings are appropriate and some are not.
That's how I often am with people.
And then it's hard to find and feel the "inappropriate" ones.
EDIT: When I talk of appropriateness, I mean appropriate either 1) for the particular, public situation or 2) for the overall relationship. When it's just 1), I find it easier to find and feel the "inappropriate" ones.
Quote:
|
In another thread we mentioned "mindfulness" and "starting from where you are". Once upon a time, while in the middle of a rather complicated relationship, it occurred to me that I'd seen/heard quite a few people use the word "centered" to mean (it seemed to me) quite a few different things. What "being centered" turned out to mean to me, though, was experiencing "I love her" and "I hate her" at more or less the same time; not trying to make one of those "right" and the other "wrong"; but instead, as it were, "standing with one foot on each" and seeing what comes next.
|
That's very interesting. Like, being able to feel ambivalent by having and fully feeling very different, opposing, strong emotions.
I do think I am very bad at that.
Tbh I hate all kinds of messy drama like that, due to certain experiences from the past.
But I do know I do somewhere have very different/opposing emotions that are strong.
I just don't want to be like "split" and feel only one then feel only the other one and keep changing between them like crazy so I try very hard to keep reasonable and realistic, and try to find what attitude and emotions fit the actual situation.
Quote:
If, sometime later, I were to discover that I'd ended up with a checklist that now included "Stand with one foot on each (of whatever it is) so I'll feel centered," my experience then of feeling centered might very well look like standing with one foot on..."Stand with one foot on each (of whatever it is) so I'll feel centered" ...and the other on..."Oh, checklists are such BS!"
|
Yes, I've had that thought myself & it makes complete sense. But I can only do this rationally. I cannot do it emotionally. Emotionally it's way way way way more a mess.