I am a young guy in my early 20s who is off at college. College has not been an enjoyable experience because with the exception of a few select dates in the summer and autumn, I've kept to myself, out of nervousness. I worry that the same thing will occur like it did last semester.
I spent the last two days hidden in my room, worrying about this semester and how I don't want it to be a carbon copy of the fall, and doing schoolwork. I only went out biking once and felt too nervous to engage with anyone.
Today was my first day of class, and while the course, social contract theory, kept my attention, I felt disappointed because it was a difficult start. While I felt confident at first, that began to wane as I saw other students walking around the building and talking comfortably and with ease. I sat next to this pretty girl with painted nails and dark hair. but I was too shy to talk to her.
when the professor finished lecturing, I wanted to strike up a conversation with her, but why would she? I doubted myself and so I didn't end up mustering up the courage of putting myself out there today, with her or any other students.
I have a problem with ruminating on things and I did that today after feeling intimated by seeing all the students out, and that missed opportunity with this girl. I went back to my apartment and kept to myself. I always ruminate on all the little actions I take or don't take. I know I can be sociable and make people laugh, I've done it a number of times in the past.
I really want this semester to be different. I want to have moments at college with an actual active social life.
Thank you for any advice provided. I'll check this for replies soon.
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