i have seen the still face experiment. it is really fascinating and explains a lot for me too. it's hard to break out of the 'i don't matter' mindset if that was how you were made to feel by the person who raised you, but your mother had her issues so how she treated you was more her problem than yours, and not a reflection of your value. i read a good self-help book once called 'healing your emotional self' by beverly engel which, if memory serves, basically taught that.

i prefer private therapy also although i sometimes found it lacking and didn't always come away feeling better. i do wonder if there is a better way? i think self-soothing is a good alternative. just keep being kind to yourself. i'll keeping trying too.