Quote:
Originally Posted by Etcetera1
Thanks, some of this was so much illuminating. Helped me again see how deep therapy isn't what I'm looking for. (It would not make me feel connection or feel better. I can now have connection to some people anyways in my life.)
For me, what I am looking for currently that I can't always/enough effectively do on my own or with tools/support I have available:
- Want someone/some people to regularly talk to about relationships. In the ways that I can talk about it. Not going too deep with it. Tbh part of it would be about help relax me too about them, rather than go too deep lol.
- Let me sometimes (well, maybe regularly) do "emotion vomit" for a couple of minutes. Even if anger is present in the mix of emotions. About very confidential topics, yes.
Any suggestions or thoughts on these two needs?
PS. Bonus: You mention it too and I've read it elsewhere too that a big benefit of therapy is helping decrease chronic stress. Well damn, that would be great too. But that's something I'm dealing with, but again, some way of fulfilment of the above two needs would really help with that too.
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Do you mean suggestions for how to find a way to get therapy that’s helpful specifically in that way or meet that need outside of therapy?
Within therapy: be really clear within yourself and with the therapist about what you need. Maybe consider alternatives that don’t feel so much like traditional therapy like those web-based programs where you pay monthly and can have many short conversations or connect by text?
Outside of therapy:
Call someone you like/trust and say: Can I just vent/rant for a couple of minutes? I’m so angry about Upsetting Things and need to talk about it. I am [not] looking for advice.
That way you’ve ascertained that they’re in a good place to hear you, assured them that its not about them and given them an out if hearing anger is not something they’re comfortable with.
You can do the same thing about relationship talk. Especially if you’re rejection-sensitive its helpful to check in advance that someone has the time and emotional bandwidth to listen.
Confidentiality is a tough one. Some friends are good at it and some are not. Some people find confidences to be too great a responsibility. If confidentiality is truly crucial for you, I think you have to pay someone who has a legal obligation to keep things confidential.
Chronic stress is probably the easiest thing to address outside of therapy IMO. You can do all those good exercise, meditation, nutrition and sleep hygiene things. But also, you can usually minimize or eliminate some of your obligations and other stressors. And you can make more time for the things that give you joy, pleasure and connectedness.