Dealing with anxiety again today. There is a battle raging in my brain, between the part of me that wants to die right now and the low level part that really wants to survive. It's exhausting. But as has been the case every day of my life and will be the case with every remaining day, I only have today and I need to do what I can to make the most of it. It's colder today and we're supposed to get snow tonight. I was going to make chili but at this point I'd just as soon not eat anything so I can feel hungry and show my anxiety who's really the boss. Of course, that's stupid and only hurts me. F! I hate this.