Tbh I don't want to be shut down either, so it's all a fine balance, of course. Dancing on that tightrope over the abyss, you know

Thanks Etcetera, I know that tightrope all too well! Hopefully you'll find your way across it in a way that suits you. Thanks again for the input, it really helped. I did end up taking this to session with New T. Actually, we spent the whole 90 minutes on it, but I think it needed it. She read the emails between J and I and said similar to you. She said that from her take on it she wouldn't have actually felt that it warranted a reply, which I can see, in some way. I wanted a reply, but sometimes the whole 'I don't deserve your time' thing comes in and leads my writing, if that makes sense. Anyway, with J I decided to email again yesterday. To be fair I didn't feel like I had much to lose at this point because it already felt like she had shut the door and walked away from me. I asked her if I had upset her, or annoyed her, or if she was trying to keep her distance now I was working with someone else, and she replied to say she was very sorry that I felt the way I did after her last email, that it was never her intention to close the door, that I had not upset her in anyway. She said more, but that was the main thing I needed to hear and I am grateful she made the time to tell me that.

You are right, so often things can be misconstrued via email. Personally I would have liked to have seen her for a session, but I know that isn't really a possibility, and I don't talk well about such things so that kind of rules a phone call out. So being absolutely direct and asking the questions was the right way ahead, I think.

As for the potential New T? Well, I am a very sensitive soul, and I just don't think that she is all that compatible with such a sensitive person. From the very first meeting to the very last exchange, that is the sense that I got. Delicacy? Is that a word? I don't think she would take the time or the consideration that the sensitive parts of me need, and that's just how it is. To be honest, I think it is a shame, because in some way I do think she would be an amazing therapist, and I am not ruling out going back to see her at some point in the future.

It probably just wouldn't even have dawned on her to reply, despite the fact that we saw each other every week for 7 weeks. Whereas another potential new T that I had been in contact with recently replied to my email saying I wouldn't be coming, but thanking her for her time with a very lovely email wishing me all the best and saying that I could always contact her in the future if the need arises.

Haha, I just had a thought, maybe Potential New T, having now met me and got to know me a tiny bit, actually really doesn't want to work with me, whereas this other new lady doesn't know yet that she should be running for the hills rather than inviting me back!!!