Quote:
Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans
Do you mean suggestions for how to find a way to get therapy that’s helpful specifically in that way or meet that need outside of therapy?
|
Good point. I don't really have a preference as far as that. But with therapy my understanding is that I'm supposed to establish a deeper attachment to the therapist, and I'm just not going to do that in that environment.
Quote:
|
Within therapy: be really clear within yourself and with the therapist about what you need. Maybe consider alternatives that don’t feel so much like traditional therapy like those web-based programs where you pay monthly and can have many short conversations or connect by text?
|
Yeah I've tried that sort of thing before. Was a while ago though because this was before I tried IRL therapy.
A problem with the site I used back then was that I had no option to easily pick a therapist myself and that the selection process the site had for the therapist seemed like just based in generic templates if you know what I mean. (It was Betterhelp, in 2015)
If you (or anyone else) knows of a site/program/whatever where I could put this out there - these two needs I described above - and then they wouldn't just randomly allocate a therapist that has experience with something generic like "relationship problems", but there is more attention to the selection process, do please let me know.
(All this with in mind that I do not want any deeper attachment with any therapist.)
Quote:
Outside of therapy:
Call someone you like/trust and say: Can I just vent/rant for a couple of minutes? I’m so angry about Upsetting Things and need to talk about it. I am [not] looking for advice.
|
Not an option. What I'm talking about is not really the usual vent or rant. This "emotion vomit" thing. It's raw emotions/anger and it's too confidential topics. So neither the emotions nor the topics are things that most friends would want to hear much about. Let alone as far as I myself am concerned, I'm not willing to open up like that (anymore) to friends.
Family members are OK with these expressions but I can't/won't really do it too often with them either (could be a burden), and when it's about really confidential topics then I can't do it with family members either.
Quote:
|
That way you’ve ascertained that they’re in a good place to hear you, assured them that its not about them and given them an out if hearing anger is not something they’re comfortable with.
|
Yeah, that kind of advice would work for a normal vent.
Quote:
|
You can do the same thing about relationship talk. Especially if you’re rejection-sensitive its helpful to check in advance that someone has the time and emotional bandwidth to listen.
|
I wouldn't have any idea about how much "emotional bandwidth" is needed for the relationship talks I'd like to have. How would I decide that? Do you have any more suggestions here?
Quote:
|
Confidentiality is a tough one. Some friends are good at it and some are not. Some people find confidences to be too great a responsibility. If confidentiality is truly crucial for you, I think you have to pay someone who has a legal obligation to keep things confidential.
|
I think it's crucial, yeah. For the "emotion vomit".
For the relationship talks nah not necessarily. That stuff is not all confidential. Some of it, yeah, well it wouldn't be THAT confidential, but more like I find that if I try to talk about guys, it always goes wrong if I try to talk with a female friend about that stuff.
If it's not about guys, no problem.
It was a problem with a male buddy too (an emotional kind of guy tho, sortof like a gay guy, you know what I mean). If I talked to him about simpler things about guys, it was OK and great, he would even make me feel more relaxed about it. But as soon as it would be anything more complex or deeper about guys/romantic relationships....forget it. Instant disaster.
Quote:
|
Chronic stress is probably the easiest thing to address outside of therapy IMO. You can do all those good exercise, meditation, nutrition and sleep hygiene things. But also, you can usually minimize or eliminate some of your obligations and other stressors. And you can make more time for the things that give you joy, pleasure and connectedness.
|
I mean, connectedness is a problem that I discovered in therapy/due to certain events. That's what gives most of the chronic stress really, the rest is stuff I can handle fine sure.