My Support Forums - View Single Post

eskielover · Feb 02, 2022 at 02:12 PM

Quote:

I think it requires a long process of first, accepting the situation and secondly, try to understand why the other person behaved in the way (s)he did it.

Accepting the situation doesn't mean you have to agree with or even think it was ok.....sometimes "accepting" just means you acknowledge to yourself that something happened exactly as you experienced it. Honestly some evil people we will NEVER understand why the other person behaved in the way they did. Most times when people like that tell you something it is either an excuse or a lie & just creates more confusion. Each situation has to be analyzed for what it is.

I have lots of situations in the first half of my life I will never REALLY know why the people behaved the way they did. Some of that just takes "radical acceptance" that it was what it was. Many of those people are no longer alive. The one who is keeps doing stupid things that effect my life from 2100 miles away. I forgive but still take action to protect myself against the stupid financial crap he causes. Some just gets put in the hands of lawyers because nothing I can actually do.

There is no "one size fits all" answer to this or "one size fits all" solution for dealing with it.

My daughter experienced some tough stuff in our bad marriage. I was finally able to let her know I was sorry & understood after getting out of the bad marriage & analyzing it. She was also able to see & understand both sides & still be ok with both of us. His family hated me for walking out on him but my daughter now understands why I had to do what I did with that....but many times that opportunity doesn't happen to learn the "why"