23 days today. Can't wait until I can get past 100. It seems impossible but I am wanting to get there. My goal is to make 2 years which is 730 so 707 days to go.


Today I am having some admittedly kind of weird SH thoughts that I have had before and acted on before. I was scared to tell my T in case she thought I needed hospitalization. I don't know her that well yet so IDK, I'm not sure what would trigger that "hospitalization button" that T's have. But since I felt like I shouldn't share it, made me think that I should share it. Since I had contracted with her to not self harm the day before, I was to let her know if we needed to extend it today. So I texted her and in the text I brought up the weird SH thoughts that I am having and also the fact that I don't NEED to be hospitalized, thank you very much.


She responded very kindly. She told me yes I absolutely should tell her about those thoughts. And that she's not worried I will try to do anything to myself but she is sorry that I am having those thoughts.


This hit a cord. I think it is a sadness cord because it made me want to cry. Maybe I am feeling of no value today. I don't know. But I am also really emotional today. I don't know why that would make me sad. But maybe I am getting the crying thing mixed up with sadness. I don't know. It's very confusing. I just know that T said the right thing at the right time. She's a keeper!