I think I just had the greatest day ever! I won't go into details but I'm losing weight and today I barely even ate and I feel fine. The nurse never called me back so they must be okay with me quitting Haldol (or she just didn't have time and will call back tomorrow more likely). I spent most of the daywith a friend (soulmate?). I've known this dude since 1st grade. I am scared if he gets to know me he will leave, which is irrational because he already knows me obviously we've known each other like 20 years. There is no one else in my life other than my parents that I've talked to for that length of time. Sure I could find people I've known longer and been closer with on social media if I used it, but I'm not interested. All day my head was filled with poetry, but not the type of poetry I usually write which is raw and emotional, it was fun and light hearted, but also deep and loving. I had recently told my T I'm a "lone wolf" but not so. I just need to hang out with the right people. Not active addicts. Speaking of which I heard that my ex gf relapsed so it's a good thing I jumped ship on that one. I probably would've relapsed right along with her. I've always believed getting clean is to be something you do on your own. Back when I was like 18 I was dating this gal who was an active addict along with me and we both tried to be sober together. It lasted a full day then we got high. When my addiction left me practically alone, I realized with the help of others here especially bpcyclist (hope he's doing well) I needed to stop the ********. Took a few tries but I'm less than two months from a year without putting anything not prescribed (at somepoint anyways, I mean I have taken old rx's but nothing a pdoc wouldn't suggest in emergencies). I have 5 haldol pills for when the withdrawals become unbearable.. I'm going to try my very hardest not to use them. I do however have practically unlimited thorazine which i'm also going to try and not use because it also has similar effects I just think I was on a lower dose of thorazine than the haldol equivalent. I had trouble peeing earlier today. It felt like I really had to go and I couldn't. Hours of discomfort later I tried again and was able to go. So I guess I gotta lay off the cogentin for at least a week or so (I'm pulling that time frame outta my arse). I should stay away from haldol and thorazine too since those both can cause urinary retention. Ugh. I wish they would tell me if I definitely do or do not have diabetes insipidus too. It seems like every time I do blood work they tell me something different, but they're just assuming I have it and lithium's off the table (which is stupid because that **** stabilized my arse in a couple weeks and kept me out of the hospital until I had toxicity because apparently (according to my NP) there's no way to get a dose between 600mg and 1200mg so we'll go with 1200mg). I'm not even going to try to sleep tonight. I don't need it. I'm working on creating a new religion based on The Moose. All about perseverance and making it through tough times because life is complicated and every good has it's bad. I'm an optimistic nihilist really. Or a pastafarian. I had spaghetti for lunch so I guess I should dress up as a pirate and wear a colander on my head. I forget if I took my night meds (prazosin, valium). I think I did, but I don't really know.