Could this be feelings from losing your mom? If I remember correctly you lost her pretty quickly and that might make part of your grief being afraid that other people will leave you too. I've felt this way sometimes since losing my bio father and then my family member closest to being a father. They died about 18 months apart and I had all kinds of thoughts about them and our live experiencses. This was true even though even though I saw my father once about6 weeks before he died and not for 20 years before that. I was shocked i had to grieve for him but I did. So it makes total sense foryou to grieve for your mom who you loved.