Today was one of those sessions where I desperately needed to get out of my way, but couldn't quite get there. It's four years since I recoiled enough at the word 'brave' that R agreed to replace it with the word 'courageous' when talking to me. In an email on Tuesday, I asked her to help me be brave when it came to dealing with the letter again. She now has my permission to use that word, however I am struggling with the notion that I am brave, because I'm finding it hard to voice the level of anger I feel at Steve's leaving.

I've experienced a lot of loss, but I have never experienced anything like this, where anger is so dominant. Maybe because Steve took himself out of the equation.