My anxiety is rough today. I've had 2 valium and they didn't really work. I also made a package of Trader Joes cheese blintzes and I tried eating 5 of them but I could only eat 4. My stomach feels all queasy. I had to contact my doctor today about the valium and the pharamcy isn't open and she was asking how many days I had left and I hope I didn't raise a bunch of red flags. She didn't say anything though she just said she'd call them tommorow. Its tough to know if what I'm feeling is anxiety or physical. Since loss of appetite and my valium not working is involved I'm guessing its physical. Although it may be anxiety causing it. I get my weekly shot tommorow and I may just get that today to see if that helps with anything. I finally got my Amazon gift card refunded. It was actually pretty easy. After a week of the company not doing it I chatted with Amazon and they refunded it immediatly. So hopefully the stuff I ordered today doesn't have any issues.

I got my shot and I took a pepcid for my stomach and I ate some pretzel Goldfish. I also took both Topamax since I forgot to take the first one this morning. I'm just waiting for everything to kick in. I found a box of Trader Joes macaroons and a pacakge of Trader Joes chile hatch macaroni and cheese in the freezer that I plan on eating today along with some broccoli from last night. I am down more then a pound from yesterday and my mom doesn't really understand how its happening. But I mean I'm not fat and my clothes are getting looser so it is actually happening regardless of how. My mom mentioned the book Elevation by Stephen King where a guy loses weight for no reason. That book was just super sad.

I paid back my mom the $40 I owed her for helping me out last month and I got about half of one credit card bill paid. The small one. The big one is a nightmare. That is the one that has my therapy and dental bills and doctor copays on it.

My mom and I decided that I would just pay the bill out of my savings. A lot of people blow through their savings anways to pay medical bills when they are unemployeed. We also decided to make the trip so I can see my pdoc next month in person and then I'll go back to work in mid March. My mom said this all sounded like a good idea. But my therapist is really pushing me to go back now and I feel really impulsive when she pushes me in that sort of way when deep down I know its not the right thing.

Edit: I took all my meds except my geodon. So I think my anxiety is now under control. But the nausea and my stomach pains are still there and they are bad and my primary doctor must be on vacation or something because I asked the pharamacy a few days ago to contact him about refilling my zofran. I could really use that right now.