Thank you all for your replies. It feels a little bit better now that I know I’m not alone with these kind of feelings. The thing that hurts the most is the image of her with her kids. Everything that I will never have. That I never had. And that she feels that she has to protect them from me. That I’m some kind of intruder in their perfect life.

She should have known how much this would hurt me. She knows that I hate it when she goes on vacation because it reminds me of the fact that she has a family and that she needs time off from dealing with me… she knows that I struggle with knowing if she is there, if I can trust her to be the same everytime I see her. She knows how my deepest wound is that my mom never made me feel loved.

And knowing all this, she still said what she did.

When I read Oliviab’s post it made me feel a bit better, like perhaps I’m not the intrudor. I know that sometimes she wishes that she could do more for me. Maybe she just spoke without thinking. I will talk to her next time I see her and until then try to remind myself of all the things she has done to prove to me that she really does care about me.