Why is this clarity bringing with it so much anger? I'm not made to contain this.
I'm tempted to write another letter, but I know that is Avoidance.

I know I told you that I am more comfortable with the word brave, but that's because I recognise that here there is no painless way to do this. We've been unpacking the aftermath of Steve's death for months, but only now am I getting the sense of being able to do it properly.

That may mean going right back to the theatre newsletter, and the information contained therein...which I did not need. Part of me is hoping that I'm overthinking it, and I know full well that I cannot ask you. You don't know, neither of us knows.

I will never know what was in Steve's heart and mind that day, and thank God I don't.
On the other hand, the effect of his leaving in my world has been huge. It's been six months, and still feels like it happened last week.