Hugs, please try not to beat yourself up over this. It can be really difficult to deal with.

It also reminds me of another thing that happened with my current T, sometime in the first 6 months of seeing him. He allows texting for scheduling, but wants email for everything else (he's relaxed a bit on that lately). Once, I texted him, maybe around 8 pm, asking if he had an extra session available in the next day or two. I felt I should explain, so I said my uncle had just passed away (plus some other stuff was going on).

He gave me the extra session and told me when he saw me that my text had been "intrusive" because I explained why I wanted the extra session. Rather than just asking for it. So he had to put more thought into his reply vs. just saying "I have an opening at 2 tomorrow." It confused me, because I thought it was weirder to request an extra session without explanation, like, might he have thought I wasn't safe? Or that I was upset with him about something? I also found his use of the word "intrusive" to be a bit triggering for some reason, like I felt lots of shame around it. He clarified that it wasn't a big deal, which helped.

He doesn't find email to be "intrusive" because he chooses when to look at that. Whereas he uses the same phone for work and personal, so if I text him, he'd see it if he had his phone on him.

I'm sharing to say how therapists can have what seems to be odd boundaries regarding texts and emails. And can also choose words poorly--like "protective" with your T--to explain the effect. I still think you should try talking about it with her--sharing the conflicting sides of how you're thinking about it might help.