Meh. Could be better. I'm zoned out on anti anxiety medications. I didn't SH. I didn't contract with T. I didn't go to the hospital. I didn't go to Aftercare. I went for a drive with my parents instead and got ice cream. My T said she felt (very unscientifically she added) that I didn't need to contract. Hmm. Little does she know. But that gave me an out. I actually brought some stuff with me to work to SH with if I needed to. Sick I know. It's actually making me calmer though knowing I have it. If I SH I will probably end up at the hospital so I am trying to use that to my advantage and not SH but it is super hard. At least the hallucinations are chill for now and stuff. It's just these dang urges. Part of me really wants to do myself damage and the other part of me is fighting myself. It's making me exhausted. Another reason why I might need to be IP. I just don't want to go.