I still feel like I'm 27 for some reason not 29. I feel like 28 didn't happen. My anxiety is a nightmare today and I am down to 5 valium. I can't get ahold of my pharamacy at all and I've been cutting them into quaters and trying to get by on that. I do have enough to get me until Monday morning. If I get it refilled excatly on Monday. I'm trying not to panic but I'm in a panic in general because my anxiety is so bad. I am not sure really what to do. I have on HGTV. I'm watching Love It Or List It but this show annoys me because they always seem to love it when they should list it. Although I have read that the show is fake and they have to decide before going on the show if they are going to sell or if they are going to renovate their house.

But anyways today I"m just dealing with this anxiety mainly. My moods and depression arent too bad. Once you get past one of each, one christmas, one birthday etc, it does tend to somewhat get easier. Especially if you make a great deal of effort in avoiding having a repeat bad Christmas and bad birthday the way I made this past Christmas and yesterday better then the last ones.

I'm just hanging on until the 23rd now to see how I feel after the actual anniversary is over. I swear getting over her has been harder to get over then getting over my dads death. And I'm guessing it was just the change in hormones and stuff. I've never gotten myself worked up by someone like this and taken this long to get over them. This just wasn't my type of personaility before I got on hormones.

But I'm thinking I'm just going to have to start taking my ativan and make the switch. I mean what other choice do I really have at this point?