I'm sorry. I obviously forgot and cat said today that it's all a fabrication and that makes me sicker than he thought. that really hurt when he said that. all the things he said to me really hurt and it hurt that he did it in public.

i took my mom to the hospital when i was talking with some of you on the 'im worried' thread. i took her. we were there from 4:10pm til 1:00am. tht's a long time.

my mom had a stroke. she's worse now than she was then. she cant carry on a conversation at all. she cant complete sentences. she's confused. she doesnt understand her medication. she has some paralysis. she went through a barrage of tests. two of them were traumatic for me. i had to take her because nobody else in my family could. she still has to go through a lot more. she also has a heart murmur. we didn't know this before. my mom wasnt even well before all this but she was coping, in pain but coping.

my sister had just got through supporting me on the phone to feel more accepting of whats going on and to help me and i was feeling better until i logged on here and now im crying again. everybody thinks i need to be hospitalized. i dont. im not going to harm myself. the thought never occured to me. i already told my family that and put their minds at ease.

the things that cat said and sqrl said really hurt me. i dont even know if cat loves me anymore. i just dont know what to think about anything anymore.

the only reason i said to i would deal with everything on my own is because i thought everybody was sick of me. i just dont know what to think about anything anymore. i'm confused. i post a 'im sorry' thread and hardly anybody responds. i'm hurting, i'm hurting a lot from things said to me here, things not said to me here, for anybody thinking that i would lie about my mom, for anybody thinking negatively towards me. i just hurt a lot. and i cant fix my mom. shes not going to get any better.