Aww I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing such negative thoughts. I agree with RollercoasterLover, challenging the negative thoughts can be really helpful.
Writing them down then using questions like: why do I think this? Is there another way? What would I say to a friend who is experiencing these thoughts? What is the evidence for these thoughts?

If you have a T, this is something that you could work on together! If not, the website CCI from Australia has some very useful worksheets, like thought diary’s and challenging negative thought info.