Good (late) evening, dear reader. I can now feel the full force of depression. It feels identically to Covid, except for that I had two doses of protection against it. Not that my body wasn’t in pain, along with fever - which it was. But depression is something else, and if you already is diagnosed with bipolar, it is even worse. Thoughts get coming, that’s that you might see all doors closes on you. Thoughts on how they treat you on your work, don’t care about your little salary and old jacket. And that you are all alone - except from one dear human who has hope on you. “What’s the point”-thoughts.

I am really doing my best to survive this extreme hostile environment. Not because of students and their lovely parents (I love them from entire pieces of my heart), and I even told all my little students when they asked me how much I loved them. I told them: “I love You, to the moon and back!”

I know I’m falling apart now, piece by piece. It’s like I was that yellow rose you forgot to water and now it’s slowly disappearing away. All it’s leafs, leafstalks and finally rot. Beautiful yellow rose with a bit of white tones around. I have trying to be strong for a entire year reacting my situation on work. To be so nice to everyone, smile, work and try to have fun. But now I’m at that point that is closing to the very last chapter. If you only knew dear reader, what I’ve been gone through there in now almost seven years. With my bipolar diagnosis.

I am having difficulties to sleep. I slept now not very well at all for three weeks in row. I have only one colleague I can trust. I can’t at the moment look for another job since I’m in a really messed up-situation with my new boss and one person from the HR-unit. It’s so messed on every level that even my local GOD DAMN UNION gave up last week and advising me to do same thing! Then I remember how I am, how I always supported others who needed the support, how I always was there for them all. For every child in the school and every of their parent. And then I remember this:

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