Quote:
Originally Posted by Mendingmysoul
My sister too texted me like this, but more of in a passive aggressive way,I actually took her bait once.She started texting me in a rude way that I need to communicate more frequently with some of others.Now a days I am on a quest to relearn about toxic relationships, part of which is to grey rock some of them.I cannot take the toxicity anymore.I think they all are talking behind my back, about how I am not in contact with them.
After I put up a boundary with my sibling, she started argumentative texts about these other relatives and that I was ghosting them.It was none of her business actually. I texted back and forth trying to convince her logically.She was angry and rude to the point that she just tried to blame and shame me for no reason.I realised she was guilt tripping me and indirectly was presenting her case too.I backed off.I saw no reason to keep trying to make her understand.She sent me some angry emojis, but I kept quiet. After a couple of weeks she texted if I was doing ok?I answered in short ..yes..She again texted after a week if I was ok.
I again texted just yes.After doing the same for months, she started some hovering. She tried to make me emotional by texting some childhood things where I was actually mothering her.It looked like she was sending a message to me to go back to my original self. Passionate, empathic sister who always loved and protected her,no matter what.What did my original self got me so far?? Abuse, rudeness, disrespect. Time for change now.I am not a person who keeps grudges. I will not tolerate abuse anymore.So after she tried bread crumbing me ,I just grey rocked. They lost a person who could love them unconditionally.
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Oh, Mending! I feel like I'm reading my diary when I read your post here! I'm so sorry that your sister put you through the exact same pattern of narcissistic
abuse that my sister has also put me through. You and I are the same! We are abused by our narcissistic sisters! Sisters who are so toxic, that they poison our lives and the flying monkeys who do their dirty work for them (mutual family and friends) and who have no real clue that they are under the spell of a real nasty narcissist.
I agree. It wasn't your sister's business about your relationship with your mutual relatives. And, because you are a logical, empathic person you tried to reason with your sister. Sounds like your sister was definitely hoovering you with her childhood texts and her checking in with how you were feeling. Which is 100% out of character of her. Right? Right!
I see no reason to make your sister understand because 1) she doesn't want to take responsibility with you for the way she has abused you emotionally 2) she is a boundary crosser and her only agenda is to meet her own dysfunctional emotional needs, it seems like, from what you've written about her. Gosh. She sounds as horrible as my sister.
I'm happy to hear that you will not tolerate her abuse anymore, Mending! Your sister definitely bread crumbed you with her sporadic, follow up texts. How dumb does she think you are? I'm a complete stranger and even I can see through her tactics with you. Yes, she lost a person who would love her unconditionally. Unfortunately, she will never see that loss because all she cares about is herself. But now, you care more about yourself than you care about placating her, which is an exhausting process, don't you think? The narcissist is never placated. They are always unsatisfied. They are never rational. They are never fair. They are never reasonable or respectful.
I am so glad you posted, Mending. Hearing your story with your sister helps me process my own experience with my narcissistic sister too. It gives me strength to read posts like yours, because it reminds me that other women have toxic siblings like I do who were able to fight back and overcome their toxic sister's emotional abusive hold on them.
Yes. My sister's caring text is 100% out of character for her. Definitely her attempt to breadcrumb me or emotionally bait me into staying stuck in our dysfunctional pattern. Well, no more. I will just keep grey rocking her via text message. She called me and I let her calls go to voicemail. I also think my niece's rudeness towards me is a combination of my sister's influence on my niece (i.e. my sister's toxic parenting style) and a combination of my niece's own personality which is someone who is very immature.