Sorry to hear you're going through this. I've been going through it myself for a while now. It sucks sucks sucks because the usual "self-care" stuff like watching movies or listening to music that cheers you up don't work. Basically EVERYTHING is a trigger because everything reminds me of painful things in the world and how I don't belong, all the cruelty and shallow, futile things. It makes it that much harder because it's impossible to escape, nowhere you can go and nothing you can do because the pain is just everywhere. I've been listening to instrumental music because at least there are no lyrics, although sometimes even just the titles are enough to send my brain off in some horrible direction.

I watch people living their lives, seemingly happy, and cannot fathom for the life of me how they can do that and not see all the **** in the world. Makes me feel even more alienated from everyone.

In my case I have been feeling suicidal but I can't because kids, which just makes me feel that more trapped. The only thing I can think of doing is to focus on work and abstract things that have absolutely nothing to do with the "real world," and even then there are reminders everywhere, like innocuous words that my brain immediately interprets in the most painful way. It makes me want to scream at my brain to just leave me alone, like these intrusive thoughts are something beyond my control that just keeps attacking me and I'm so tired of it, but it won't stop. All I can say is I think I understand and I hope it gets better soon.

I haven't given this depression any particular name. Maybe there is but I can't think of any. Would be kind of nice if there was, I'll check back to see if anyone thinks of anything.