Hey @Miss Laura

I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I don’t have any negative feelings towards you, especially not hate.

It’s really difficult to accept something, especially like a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

The way I came to accept was that I looked at the evidence and I wrote it down. I wrote down my real feelings and tracked them. How did medication change things, what happened when I came off my meds after i had been stable for a few years (it wasn’t good).
My horrible depressed phases when my outlook on life reduces to a big black pit. I see no way out of it, except taking my own life. It’s horrible.
Then I have these phases where I do silly risky things, I spend too much money (I spent over £1000 on sex toys and lingerie last episode which was pretty good for my evidence list).

The difficulty is being honest with yourself before trying to justify or rationalise anything to anyone else.

This is your journey, not anyone else’s.

As for the shame, I’m sorry I can’t help with that as I am plagued with shame about my diagnosis. I’m working on it.

Warm wishes @Miss Laura