My mom's geriatric nurse called me tonight to tell me that during her visit with my mom, my mom complained of a sore back. So, the geriatric nurse was calling to first tell me she was going to give my mom lidocaine patches 3 x a day.

I'm posting about it here b/c it involves my sister who is pro-medication and told the geriatric nurse to call me since the geriatric nurse had a pattern of adding medications for our mom to take, without first discussing it with me but with my sister instead.

My sister is not the medical power of attorney (neither am I). All she is, is the will executor and guardian b/c she is the one who signed our mom into the nursing home (I wanted to sign the paperwork but that's for another thread).

Anyway. there are a ton of side effects with lidocaine patches and since my mom has dementia and is on too many medications (I think), I told the geriatric nurse "No," on the lidocaine patches. I became angry with the geriatric nurse, when she tried to tell me I was overreacting.

Eventually, we reached a compromise. I told the geriatric nurse that two things would happen:

1. She would write orders for the CNAs at my mom's nursing home to apply ice packs to my mom's back 3 x a day (ice has no side effects other than melting and feeling cold). She agreed (after a 45 minute back-and-forth debate between her and I, which exhausted me). I'm just relieved that she agreed. She is pro-medication for the elderly.

2. I said that next month I wanted a medication review meeting with her the geriatric nurse, the geriatric doctor (who is also pro-medication) and my sister (who is also pro-medication). I found a pro bono elderly attorney who agreed to attend the meeting with me next month (I have to pay him to attend the meeting and pay him to prepare for the meeting so when I say 'pro bono' I mean he's cheap but not free - giving him access to my mom's medical records which means I have to sign an authorization form since my mom can't, b/c of her dementia).

This all happened tonight. So, I will wait for my sister to respond to the geriatric nurse contacting her to tell her she spoke with me. Granted, I didn't do myself any favors with how rude I behaved (due to my own feeling anxious that my sister and our mom's geriatric team are making decisions without including me on our mom's healthcare).

Hence, my choice to get an attorney involved who will be my voice and advocate for a comfort-choice medication treatment plan (basically, take away ALL the un-necessary medications that have horrific side effects and that my mom essentially is being force fed b/c it's money in her geriatric doctor's pockets).

I'm prepared for the fallout this will cause with my sister and I, when I show up with the medical attorney. Fine, if that estranges her and I permanently. The only thing I worry about is not being contacted when our mom passes away. Since my sister signed the paperwork to register our mom into memory care, the nursing home won't call me when our mom passes away. They'll only call my sister. And we may well be estranged 100% by then. Then what happens?