That's rough. I'm sorry you are struggling so much. I don't believe you deserve to be punished. But I know the feeling because I have had it myself, but less so over the past couple of years. I've had some really good friends affirm my worth so let me affirm your worth.

You are capable.
You are special.
You are unique.
You are wonderful.
You are a fighter.
You are strong.
You are brave.
You are wonderful.
You are cared about.
You are worthy of care.