Dear reader, good evening from Europe. I’m not sure how to feel anymore from this suffering at my work. Especially now when my colleague will leave next week and I will probably end up with having a substituter with no teaching experience whatsoever. It will end up being me having seven subjects every week. That is my hypothetical prediction. And I had many signs today that it indeed might end up that way. Or me, taking time out again 100% - like last year.

During the breaks, I enjoy the time with my kids - being judge in soccer or playing basketball with them. Especially since none of my colleagues are doing that or ever did that in my almost seven years there. Sad, if you ask me. Because you will get to know those kids so much better if you play with them and be part of their activities. I enjoy my time in the classroom with them too. We have fun, but also learning new things every week. Also about friendship, how to be nice to each other, the importance of our core values and such. Things that many of my colleagues even doesn’t follow. Yeah, those things. I don’t want to make them perfect students (there is no perfection and I don’t believe in that). I want to make them to good people, with empathy, who will care about other people and show them love and understanding. Especially since my little students are being in a segregated area - and school. I want them to make them trust themselves and have faith in themselves - each and every one of them. That they can achieve everything and be anything they want. That they will have jobs and a future in this country, and not take any other paths that could lead to for example criminality.

Yes, dear reader. I have showed them all my heart and how warm soul I have. Just as they too have. I have showed respect and understanding to their parents, and they all know how much I care about their children. Children with roots from Africa, Middle East and Afghanistan. I love them all so much and I am doing all my best every day so none of them will see my true suffering. And from what reason. How would they have faith on the rest of my “colleagues”, if they knew the truth? That is why I’m quiet. I don’t want to worry them. I want to make them happy with joy. And that is why I learned how to wear my masks. So when the night comes, and it’s time for me to sleep, I let all masks go. Trying to remember all those lovely moments I had with the kids, doing my little meditation and try to get me some sleep.

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