Thank you @Breaking Dawn. Things have slowly been coming to a head and I think that it's time for me to be at an end. My brain just can't be fixed and I don't have any positive step forward. My dogs' shots are current and I have a few small things to take care of, so a few more days, but I really am done with life this time. They say that people who've made this decision feel a sense of relief and become calmer, but all I can think about is abandoning my dogs. They're older, so would be unlikely to be adopted and I have no trust that my brother will take them. I have one of them looking at me right now as I'm crying and typing. I hate to abandon them, they deserve better, but I just can't keep going. I mean things are BAD when even the 2 things that have kept me going are no longer working. I hate myself for hurting them. But even if I didn't have that pain, I feel so much pain and hopelessness that I just have to do something. And only one thing seems to make sense to me right now.