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My therapist said that all my problems with relationships may be resolved if I forgive my mother. I don't accept her. I hate her with all my heart, and therefore I hate myself because I am a part of her - my T said. "Forgive her" - she said. I failed to do that. I didn’t have a mother at all. I had a food provider, at best. She never believed in me. Whatever I tried to do in my life, she always said “You have to give it to someone else. You can’t do it. You’ll fail!”. And she STILL DOES THAT. Even with a f**king car light bulb change yesterday. She did it again and she triggered this indescribable shame I carry within me. Guess what, I successful changed the light bulb. We talked about her behavior MILLION times and nothing changed - she still do it as if by default. ALL THE F**KING TIME. I almost killed myself in my early twenties. I spent 7 years on therapy to stop feeling like a garbage. My self-esteem didn’t exist. And this f**king b**ch is why. Daddy wasn't even there. He left her when I was 3 and its hard to blame him for that. Still, he abandoned me and left me with this sick woman who should never have a child. I don't hate him anymore because he's dead - I just don't care about what he did.
How in the world could I forgive someone like that?
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