My presentation was mostly medication side effects. The signs and symptoms of mental illness that I displayed appear to be iatrogenic rather than genuine psychopathology and the malingering I was accused of.
Apparently I had a dissociative disorder. That disappeared after I stopped all pills in fall 1998. Clonazepam and lorazepam were the main offenders. The sedating properties of the antipsychotic Loxapine also contributed. It put me in a perpetual state that resembled the transition from wakefulness to stage 1 sleep. I hallucinate before I fall asleep on most nights. It's normal for me. I've always been like that. That got misdiagnosed as micropsychosis, another point to confirm the BPD diagnosis.
A lot of my bad behavior was a combination of desperation to be heard and the disinhibition caused by medication, especially SSRIs and anxiolytics.
I have to point out an interesting pattern. Almost all my admissions (suicidal ideation) were caused by either initiating SSRI treatment, adjusting the dose or abrupt discontinuation.
This is cognitive bias at it's finest.