Quote:
Originally Posted by Etcetera1
I forgot to add one more thing. Going by the new post, she sounds controlling. Who knows what her real agenda is, she could have a hidden agenda of getting something out of you, she could be looking to deliberately exploit you. That was a possibility I got a fleeting sense of when reading the part that sounded like her being controlling rather than just randomly getting upset due to trauma.
This is where she sounded outright controlling to me:
"To clarify, I know it's not all her. I mean she has caught me in a few lies in the past, despite how important honesty is to me. There were some times where I was so afraid the truth was going to lead to an argument or breakup, that I was dishonest. She knows every single thing though, and I only recall three incidents off the top of my head."
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According to her, it has nothing to do with control. But, I have my suspicions it is too. I feel she uses break ups as a form of punishment when I do things she doesn't like. She claims it's because she gets so emotionally overwhelmed that she can't handle it. But, time out or space is one thing. Breaking up is entirely different, and despite knowing how much it hurts me, she just keeps doing it. I can't help but feel it is intentional to at least some extent.
There is control on her end whether she realizes it or not. I had a list of things I wasn't allowed to ask her or talk about. I wasn't even allowed to express certain feelings (ex. doubts about her love for me because of breakups, arguments, etc.), without severe repercussions.
I know very well she had this issue with at least one other boyfriend, her last serious relationship (7yrs ago now). These are old wounds, but she blames it on me. She blames it on personality. But, with how many things upset her, there is no way in hell any man could be with her and NOT have the same issues happen with negative assumptions.
I mean to add, in Oct, there was 2 men she tried to date. After 2-3days of talking to one of them, he asked her measurements. She decided her "gut" was telling her that meant he only wanted sex, so she cut him off. The other one she talked to for a week. He never sent shirtless or other explicit pics to her, even shared photos of his daughter with her. Clear as day he wanted something serious. The day of their date, he says something about some women have a hard time with relationships with him, because he works a lot and doesn't have much time to put into a relationship. She then AGAIN assumes that means this guy only wants sex too! You don't talk a week and share pics of your family to someone you just want a fling with, but again her "gut" told her that was what he wanted, so she believed it and cut him off too. She doesn't see the pattern though!
I tried to use these things as examples to her before of how she will have negative assumptions about ANY man. But, it seemed to go in one ear and out the other. Sadly, it's most likely going to take her dating at least one or two other men and having the same issues to realize it's her. Or, maybe her psychologist will bring it to her attention. Not my problem anymore though.