My transference to the therapist is overwhelmingly negative, so it doesn't feel painful to realize she's not some evil mastermind out to hurt me. I guess it does feel like a loss on some level because I'm not sure how to react when I'm vulnerable with someone and they don't weaponize that vulnerability. It's also confusing when she does hurt me because I know it's not intentional and I'm more accustomed to being harmed intentionally or through callous disregard.