This must be very difficult. There seems to be so many boundries, triggers and baggage, there isn't room for a healthy relationship in her life. Knowing how emotionally cluttered she is, and that she is the only one who can clean up her emotional messes, your best efforts at a healthy relationship is a gift she keeps refusing.
You may be a little bit emotionally starved from all the drama. To answer your questions, you aren't wrong for trying to fit into the tiny space she makes available. You have a right to be disappointed in the way she uses her boundries to push you around in that tiny space. You've appeared to do everything g possible to fit into her emotional life. She keeps kicking you out of it. If this is the case, let her have her space back, tell her you wish her the best and take the empty couples book and fill it up with someone who has enough emotional space for you.

I hope you find the emotionally healthy relationship you want. I hope your ex girlfriend finds the one she wants too.