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Feb 14, 2022, 12:14 PM
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Member Since: Jan 2022
Location: Europe
Posts: 319
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascendant78
According to her, it has nothing to do with control. But, I have my suspicions it is too. I feel she uses break ups as a form of punishment when I do things she doesn't like. She claims it's because she gets so emotionally overwhelmed that she can't handle it. But, time out or space is one thing. Breaking up is entirely different, and despite knowing how much it hurts me, she just keeps doing it. I can't help but feel it is intentional to at least some extent.
There is control on her end whether she realizes it or not. I had a list of things I wasn't allowed to ask her or talk about. I wasn't even allowed to express certain feelings (ex. doubts about her love for me because of breakups, arguments, etc.), without severe repercussions.
I know very well she had this issue with at least one other boyfriend, her last serious relationship (7yrs ago now). These are old wounds, but she blames it on me. She blames it on personality. But, with how many things upset her, there is no way in hell any man could be with her and NOT have the same issues happen with negative assumptions.
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Exactly, yeah.
Quote:
I mean to add, in Oct, there was 2 men she tried to date. After 2-3days of talking to one of them, he asked her measurements. She decided her "gut" was telling her that meant he only wanted sex, so she cut him off. The other one she talked to for a week. He never sent shirtless or other explicit pics to her, even shared photos of his daughter with her. Clear as day he wanted something serious. The day of their date, he says something about some women have a hard time with relationships with him, because he works a lot and doesn't have much time to put into a relationship. She then AGAIN assumes that means this guy only wants sex too! You don't talk a week and share pics of your family to someone you just want a fling with, but again her "gut" told her that was what he wanted, so she believed it and cut him off too. She doesn't see the pattern though!
I tried to use these things as examples to her before of how she will have negative assumptions about ANY man. But, it seemed to go in one ear and out the other. Sadly, it's most likely going to take her dating at least one or two other men and having the same issues to realize it's her. Or, maybe her psychologist will bring it to her attention. Not my problem anymore though.
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Yeah, not your problem. As for the two examples, it sounds like she has strong gut feelings and is biased towards the negative in general about men. I would say she was probably right about both guys though. You don't ask a woman their measurements after 2 days of talking if it isn't sex that's primarily on your mind. And for the other guy, he was trying to manage down her expectations about the relationship really early on - BIG red flag, the fact that someone would even try to do that like that, as managing down expectations is a dishonest technique. Also, more issues with timing: why do that on the day of the date?! That's also manipulative to me. Like he made her invest a full week into it and a date before he'd be honest about the reality. That's a play on emotions, as well. He may have wanted more a tiny bit more than just sex, but it was made obvious that he wouldn't have been great relationship material. And his timing overall does sound like he may have just wanted sex, yes. Unwilling to give enough for a real relationship in any case. So, yeah, a lot of guys out there are bad material. Gut feelings like that are useful for filtering them out if you also understand rationally the "why" behind them. But her negativity is too strong and so it ruins actual relationships too.
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