I'm sorry your T and psychiatrist are being like this. My therapist realized at one point that pushing me just makes me withdraw more and/or feel awful about myself if I don't do what is expected of me, whether from him, my parents, etc. (stuff dating back to childhood). So he stopped pushing. He might mention something briefly, like, "You know exercise could help with that. That's all I'm going to say." Or when I was having agoraphobia issues (which have come and gone during the pandemic), he might ask if I went anywhere or went outside, but wouldn't push me to do that. He trusts that I know what I need to do (a bunch of other stuff in there, too), and his pushing me isn't going to help and is more likely to backfire.

Do you think your therapist and p-doc could be willing to try something like that? To back off a bit? If you say you know what you should be doing, but that their pushing does not help you and in fact could have the opposite effect. And is making you want to leave therapy.

I also get the sense they may not understand what depression can truly be like. Where you know you should do something, and maybe you want to, but you just can't. I'm sure you've tried explaining it, but maybe try to go into what goes on in your head when you want to do something but just can't? To just let them know that you're doing all that you can manage right now. The fact that you're managing to not harm yourself or not doing anything to make it worse *is* an accomplishment in itself.

Also, I've had the experience of feeling ganged up on by my ex-p-doc and ex-T/ex-MC. And it sucked. Where ex-p-doc said they wanted to put me in an intensive outpatient program, we were going to have some conference call about it, and I freaked out, because it felt like they were all ganging up on me (turned out that she hadn't even talked to either of them about it yet, and they disagreed with her). Would you consider revoking their ability to speak with each other? You should have the right to do that at any time, even if they're at the same practice.

And could you consider looking for a different therapist and psychiatrist?