Quote:
Originally Posted by Etcetera1
And I've been there before where I was so low I couldn't do things even though I wanted to. The solution, ironically enough, was to just wait, like I was getting to do things really really gradually and not pushing myself anymore with expectations, let alone expectations on the timeline of how much or how fast I should be able to be doing things.
So I actually had to learn to hold myself less responsible. Getting free of being/feeling overly responsible. It helped a LOT. Because overresponsibility also contributed to feeling low. Maybe that's what you would need too, ie. feel less responsible, I don't know.
I wish you much luck with all this!!
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Thanks Etcetera, I couldn't agree more with all this. It's been hard to be less critical of myself over the years. For example, there's a time when I would have described myself as just lazy. And that really wasn't being fair to myself. But I did that because I felt judged by others. It was a sort of fawning, Stockholm syndrome like thing where I felt compelled to align myself with the idea that I have some sort of personality flaw (e.g. laziness) that is to blame. And since I can't have power that I don't, I always ended up feeling like my suffering was all my fault because I could change it if I really wanted to.
Now that I've changed my thinking, it feels like I'm getting pulled back into negative self talk and cognitive distortions by the therapist/psychiatrist. Or I'm not getting pulled back but only because I reject their assumptions.
It also drives me a bit nuts to think now they will interpret any improvement I make in the future as me finally "taking responsibility" when it's actually just the typical fluctuations of depression. This idea really bothers me.