What was I thinking? Not much really, but WAY too much to even begin to know how to share that with you. I think I was feeling, more than thinking. Feeling sad. I don't know how to feel anything other than sadness it seems, even when other feelings might be warranted. Or can tears be linked to other feelings? I don't know. I don't know what we are doing. I don't know how I can communicate with you what needs communicating. You talked about forcing myself to tell you. Is that right though? Is that the way this is supposed to go? It doesn't sound like a good word to me. Especially given the nature of what needs telling. I don't feel like I should be forcing myself to do anything. Encouraging myself, yes. Prodding myself, yes. A gentle push every now and again, yes. But forcing? I'm not so sure. If it won't come, there's a reason for that, and it's your job to help me find a way. Can you do that? Can you reach into that abyss and help me find a way?