I can relate to hopelessness, depression and being told to work harder in the midst of it all. My mother would tell me that I need to push myself. Struggling with depression forever, just recently for the first time I was at a place where I thought oh this is what people can do, pull themselves up. To this day she does not understand my depression and how it is a rare privilege and level of well being to be able to do what she demanded. That's tough but to be told that by trained professionals who are paid to get it is terrible. Sometimes I think people do that as a way to blame the victim because they can't, don't know how or refuse to do what is needed to help and or tolerate another suffering.

Sorry you are going through this and others understand. "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" assumes you even have shoes.