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Originally Posted by Etcetera1
Exactly, yeah.
Yeah, not your problem. As for the two examples, it sounds like she has strong gut feelings and is biased towards the negative in general about men. I would say she was probably right about both guys though. You don't ask a woman their measurements after 2 days of talking if it isn't sex that's primarily on your mind. And for the other guy, he was trying to manage down her expectations about the relationship really early on - BIG red flag, the fact that someone would even try to do that like that, as managing down expectations is a dishonest technique. Also, more issues with timing: why do that on the day of the date?! That's also manipulative to me. Like he made her invest a full week into it and a date before he'd be honest about the reality. That's a play on emotions, as well. He may have wanted more a tiny bit more than just sex, but it was made obvious that he wouldn't have been great relationship material. And his timing overall does sound like he may have just wanted sex, yes. Unwilling to give enough for a real relationship in any case. So, yeah, a lot of guys out there are bad material. Gut feelings like that are useful for filtering them out if you also understand rationally the "why" behind them. But her negativity is too strong and so it ruins actual relationships too.
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I get what you're saying and see your point as far as the other guys. I mean she was also looking on Tinder of all places, and expecting something serious from it. No idea what she is thinking sometimes.
Personally, if I was in the situation she was with in regards to the 2nd guy, I would've lost interest because I'd feel like the person couldn't give me what I need as far as a relationship. But, jumping to the conclusion he only wanted sex I still do not feel was a reasonable deduction. A possibility? Sure. But, she could've asked him more details about it to try to figure out for sure what it was. She just automatically dismissed him as just wanting sex and ghosted him.
But yea, she has WAY too much negativity when it comes to a relationship. She is determined to analyze every single thing you do, and *if* her emotional IQ is as high as she claims, she'd realize the patterns with me that are different, or realize that her assessments are unreliable and she needs to rely on improved verbal communication. But, she refused to work on communication. Always justified why "she was right and I have bad intentions" every time.
No matter how good I was to her, no matter how much I'd do for her, no matter how I focused on trying to make her happy, it was never enough. All it took was even one single thing she could take the wrong way, and suddenly, I'm a horrible person out to judge her, insult her, etc. No other woman ever did this to me, but she has done this to at least one other man before. But, she can't connect the dots.
Her father is bi-polar, and my psychologist thinks (based on what I have told her over the last 11mos) either she is bi-polar herself, or possibly borderline personality disorder. She would go for weeks at a time where we didn't argue at all. Everything is easy, the relationship is amazing, and we have no conflicts. But then, it was like something in her changed like a light switch. Sometimes she would flat out say she was "in a bad mood" or was being overly emotional (especially prior to her periods). Other times, I got no forewarning of her change until she'd pick a fight. So, I never knew when it would happen.
I just wished she took on accountability for her own actions and stopped making negative assumptions about mine. From how she acts, I truly think she believes her verbal abuse is justified and acceptable behavior. She never once flat out admitted she was abusive and that the behavior needed to change.