I'm not in a great place after today's session. I feel like I'm just about holding it together, just about able to put one foot in front of the other. This 'stuff' being stuff I can't talk about is insanely difficult, because I feel like I have two choices. One, shut everyone out and see no-one, or two, shut everyone out and carry on as normal. I am choosing option two, when all I want to do is option one. I want everyone to go away. I don't want to see anyone or speak to anyone, because the weight of holding it all together is too much. But if I did that, I'd have to in some way explain why I am cancelling plans, and that starts the big ball of wool unraveling, so I keep my commitments, despite the fact that it's probably quite blantantly obvious that I'm not in a good place. Hopefully people will just ignore it. History has taught me that if I show enough hostility they will, I guess because it makes them uncomfortable. Not a great way of living, but I don't know how else to handle this right now, sadly.