In all the years I've known you you've been worried/convinced that everyone you saw for treatment was going to hospitalize you. And that hasn't happened. You've been IP what, once? twice? That's probably way less than the average for this group. Being hospitalized against your will is rare. That's why the average is higher; I've been in 6 times but I've gone in willingly. If I had said I didn't want to go I wouldn't have been made to except maybe once. I think that's true for most of us who've been IP.


I understand the fear but I think it is holding you back when therapy could really help. Like your WV therapist and the last therapist you had there. I know it has to be so hard that they leave and you have to start over. But therapists help. Your pdoc is looking out for you and doing his job. He wants to see your pain relieved. If you go weekly for a while you may be able to drop down. Or you can explain early on that you aren't comfortable with weekly visits and could you start with every other week. Therapists are flexible.

You aren't a waste of space. That's part of why you need the therapy; you need to know you matter and that you don't always have to feel bad.

Can you at least try? When my last therapist left I thought it was the end of the road/. I asked a friend to hold me accountable to try the new one 3 months before I ran away and instead my new therapist was much better for me (more experienced with BP). I'm so glad I gave him a chance. And that he gave me a chance and continues to give me chances because I'm not easy. I don't always do what he wants and I argue about it. I want to continue weekly treatment when he thinks I could cut back to every other week. Etc. But even when those things happen it helps me to see him and get help to walk through life with mood episodes.

It can help you too. Really it can.

I hope this is ok. I just want you to feel better and I'm not sure how to say what I mean.