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Originally Posted by Ascendant78
I get what you're saying and see your point as far as the other guys. I mean she was also looking on Tinder of all places, and expecting something serious from it. No idea what she is thinking sometimes.
Personally, if I was in the situation she was with in regards to the 2nd guy, I would've lost interest because I'd feel like the person couldn't give me what I need as far as a relationship. But, jumping to the conclusion he only wanted sex I still do not feel was a reasonable deduction. A possibility? Sure. But, she could've asked him more details about it to try to figure out for sure what it was. She just automatically dismissed him as just wanting sex and ghosted him.
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I agree with you that what the 2nd guy wanted is not 100% unambiguous, but it definitely was not him wanting a serious relationship. At that point I would not want to waste my time anymore with clarifying more, and would politely excuse myself from further communications....ghosting is actually okay too because the person was likely manipulative anyway with that play on emotions. I don't like ghosting, but in that case it would've been fair enough
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But yea, she has WAY too much negativity when it comes to a relationship. She is determined to analyze every single thing you do, and *if* her emotional IQ is as high as she claims, she'd realize the patterns with me that are different, or realize that her assessments are unreliable and she needs to rely on improved verbal communication. But, she refused to work on communication. Always justified why "she was right and I have bad intentions" every time.
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Agreed, that high EQ was botched in intimate relationships due to her issues. Personality disorders - not saying whether she's personality disordered or not - do have this feature, problems in intimate relations.
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No matter how good I was to her, no matter how much I'd do for her, no matter how I focused on trying to make her happy, it was never enough. All it took was even one single thing she could take the wrong way, and suddenly, I'm a horrible person out to judge her, insult her, etc. No other woman ever did this to me, but she has done this to at least one other man before. But, she can't connect the dots.
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I think she won't ever connect the dots unless maybe in therapy, but it would take a LOT for her even to try and look that deep.
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Her father is bi-polar, and my psychologist thinks (based on what I have told her over the last 11mos) either she is bi-polar herself, or possibly borderline personality disorder. She would go for weeks at a time where we didn't argue at all. Everything is easy, the relationship is amazing, and we have no conflicts. But then, it was like something in her changed like a light switch. Sometimes she would flat out say she was "in a bad mood" or was being overly emotional (especially prior to her periods). Other times, I got no forewarning of her change until she'd pick a fight. So, I never knew when it would happen.
I just wished she took on accountability for her own actions and stopped making negative assumptions about mine. From how she acts, I truly think she believes her verbal abuse is justified and acceptable behavior. She never once flat out admitted she was abusive and that the behavior needed to change.
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Biggest red flag of all of it there, that she never admitted to these extreme behaviours being a serious problem and saw it as reasonable behaviours
The pattern too that you describe there, good for some weeks then unpredictably turning bad with extreme words and actions. That's very typical of serious problems like that.