My session seemed to go fine and I accepted her apology. I am realizing that I didn't actually address everything with her. We didn't really talk about it at all except for her doing what I knew she would do and saying she didn't mean to be critical. I think maybe she thinks being critical is always outright malicious. I stand by my opinion that her statement about taking responsibility is inherently critical, but we may be working with different definitions. At least she didn't say she was sorry I felt that way, which is what really drives me nuts.

I guess I still did have my say about everything she did that made me mad since I sent her a link to this post. So probably not necessary to dissect it further.

She talked to my psychiatrist who is apparently concerned or something because I seem to be doing worse, especially in comparison to before I started working with the therapist. Which was like yeah duh. Everything got bad when I moved away for school and then got even worse due to the pandemic. And then lately I think it's been worse due to a combination of a depressive episode and not having much to do at work yet having to account for how I spend my day.

She seemed shocked that my psychiatrist said I had developed something about driving. My psychiatrist described this as a fear but I feel like it's more a very strong aversion. I don't feel fearful that something bad is going to happen when I drive beyond the unpleasantness of being stuck in the car and how much I hate that. Leaving the house feels like more of a fear because I mostly feel anxiety rather than dread.

But the point is I've mentioned how much I don't want to drive and the lengths I go to avoid it plenty of times. Maybe I wasn't clear how much I hate it.

Anyway, I don't know what all they gossiped about. I say gossiped because I've gotten into the habit of describing things in ways to provoke the therapist. I wondered if she told my psychiatrist that I stormed out of the session, figuratively, and was angry. I didn't ask though because I don't think I want to know if she told her that. Feels embarrassing even though I don't think my behavior was wrong.

Also the psychiatrist described my job before I went to school in a way that made the therapist describe it as "prestigious." I didn't really know what to say to that. The pay definitely wasn't what I'd expect from a "prestigious" posting. But there was a lot of responsibility. Maybe that's what she meant?

The therapist really has a hard time pronouncing the psychiatrist's name. Today she butchered it several different ways which made me feel fortunate the worst she's ever called me is Suzanne.