R began today’s session by confirming that she had received my email about the Online Harms Bill. She said her initial response was ‘Wow, perfect…’ but wondered what my response was.

‘What I got from the email was that you were going to do it?’

‘I’m closer to talking myself out of it.’

‘Why is that?’

‘Who am I to participate in something like that?’

‘You tell me.’

‘My experience is a million miles away from what people normally think of when they think about online harm. I stopped watching the news due to COVID, but before the only thing you saw was people who were unhappy about photographs being released.’

R said she had also stopped watching the news. ‘It’s on the car radio sometimes, but other than that..’
I spoke about how people automatically think that the existence of online spaces is a good thing for people with disabilities, but there is another side to that.

In some ways, online connection makes living with a disability easier, as online booking systems have become more commonplace in the pandemic.
I then spoke about my experience of going to the cinema before Christmas. R seemed pleased that I am pushing myself to try new situations. We spoke about the film briefly.

‘I enjoyed it, but bristled at ‘Grief is the price we pay for love and worth paying a thousand times over.’

‘I’ve heard that, I love it. It depends on your experience of grief, though.’
R offered that perhaps the fact that my experience is outside the norm is all the more reason for me to contribute to this survey.

I informed her that I’d researched all of the privacy policies, and the Victims Commissioner herself, finding out in the process that she was a patron of a disability charity.
‘You really have done your research.’

R reminded me of the visualisation exercise she has used when making significant decisions. It involves imagining each decision and noticing how it feels in your body.
I showed her the list of pros and cons I’d made, knowing that there were more ‘cons’. She said that she could list off the pros.

I’d begun the session by saying ‘If this is the conversation we are having, this is the conversation we should be having.’ As the session went on, the truth of that became apparent.
R asked how I was feeling about the decision towards the end of the session, ‘knowing that nothing has been resolved’. I informed her that I was now closer to doing it.

‘One of the elements of a good privacy policy is that they will delete your information if requested, yes?’

‘I haven’t participated in many online surveys or consultations, but the way I’m picturing it, there’s always an opportunity to go back, and there’s a Submit button at the end. Even if you get halfway through and it gets too much, you will have the opportunity to back away.’

Our breathing exercises today focused on releasing some of the angst that has built up over this decision. R reiterated that she is aware of the deadline – ‘If anything comes up in between, feel free to email.’