Whoever said the am seroquel dose was going to be ok (I can’t remember **** at this point so whoever it was thank you) was right. I was tired and yawning but I didn’t start to slur my words or anything. It actually calmed me a little bit for a couple of hours but only enough so I could sit still. At least it was something.

After it wore off though my day went to hell. I was super glad it was a half day for the students. I couldn’t have taken a whole day. I barely took the full day. I called pdoc back and the desk said she had a cancellation today so I left early and went to that. She upped the seroquel XR again, 400mg now. She’s hoping that will get me out of this horrible episode.

She asked me if I thought IP would help, I said no. She said maybe I should take a few days off work and she would write me out. I said I’d think about it. I have a 4 day weekend so maybe by Tuesday I’ll feel better. She also suggested that I could go back to IOP but I really don’t know, I don’t really think therapy is the issue here. And I don’t wanna be out of work for three months, AND the one I was in last time was hospital happy and told RS every little ****ing thing.

I really do need to tell RS about the SH and SI thoughts though bc I think I’m gonna need his help staying safe.



I have to keep myself busy tomorrow. I think I’m going to do my hair and also clean this place, like everything I can get my hands on. It’ll get some energy out. I can take a walk in the AM as it’s supposed to be near 60 (but super windy) but it’s gonna drop down quickly to 35. I kind of want to go to the grocery store for some produce but I’d have to go as soon as they open because I’d get too angry if there’s too many people there.

Wish me luck.